some days are easier than others. it's a strange experience to still be grieving, even though you're alive. i suppose, because you've blocked me entirely from your life, it does feel like you've died a little bit. i really never thought i would have to mourn you. i know it was likely, since your career is dangerous, but with the state of the world, so is mine. and you promised me i would never have to grieve you. we went through this in July, and you felt awful for doing that. i have always done my best to keep you alive.
some days are harder. some days i have things i want to tell you so bad, small things that don't matter. but you're not here. i keep to myself now. i don't really talk to people. nothing in my life is exciting enough to report on. i really have lost my spark. you took my spark with you. people told me they were so happy for us, because i was brighter with you. i got my spark back with you. i was finally happy again, because i had a reason. and now i don't again. it hurts.
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