You told me you talked it through with your coworkers. I had no idea you were thinking of leaving, while your coworkers did. Couldn't we have talked about this? Like adults? You wanted to prove you were mature, but this was never the way to do it. I begged and begged for communication. A text about your day. A text just so I know you know I exist still. Just because I left for college didn't mean I didn't still care about you. That wasn't abandonment. I was never going to leave you. I never thought about leaving you. Because I wanted to stay and fight and fix it. Our only issue was communication. And I truly tried on my end. But after a while, it becomes harping. And I felt guilty. I tried. I really tried. I will keep trying.
I will continue to reach out on a voicemail you'll never listen to and ask friends about you and try to keep up with your life, because I promised you I wouldn't give up on you. And I keep my promises. I will fight for the love of my life until the day I die because I am a creature born of dark and hate and spite but you made me warm. I never believed love was meant for me. I ruined everyone I touched. I never wanted to look at dating again. But there you were. And you asked me out. You asked me. And I was scared. I took days to answer you. Because if one of us was afraid of commitment, it wasn't you. You left your boyfriend for me. Just to prove you wanted me. And I gave you a chance, and I fell so fast and so hard and I never had a shot at surviving you. I think you knew that. You knew how knee-deep I was in you. I hope you know how deep I still am. I would come back if you just said to come. I never dreamed of finding someone else.
You said you hope I can look at someone else someday and accept their ring, but that's never what this was about. I was never chasing a ring. I was never chasing marriage. I was chasing a future. A future we wanted to build. Together. You told all of our friends that you wanted to propose. You wanted them to be there. You told me you had the ring. You told me it would happen. You told me I wouldn't have to worry about this. You promised you wouldn't hurt me like this. You said you wouldn't leave just because I was further away. You promised me. You promised. We were gonna grow old together. I was going to love you for the rest of my life.
I still want to, if you'll have me.
Comments
Post a Comment